Kofi Assuman (author)
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20th February, 2012
God Will Be Visiting Ghana Soon (1)
Last weekend, I had a dream in which God was telling me about his plans to visit Ghana soon for four days to see how his children are faring.
To him, these four days would be very hectic since he would like to visit every corner of the country to meet all manner of people (criminals included). The two of us discussed his itinerary for the visit and he told me to draw up a programme. At the end of our discussions, we agreed that he should start his visit from Accra, the capital.
In the dream, God did not appear to be very familiar with Ghana’s road network, or understand the culture, language and tradition of the people; so we agreed that I would accompany him and act as his guide and linguist.
Since our movement in Accra may be obstructed by heavy vehicular traffic, I am appealing to my good friend ACP Awuni, the MTTU Commander, to provide us with a Dispatch Rider who would clear the road for us as he is an expert at dodging traffic.
God gets worried when there is traffic jam.
The Programme
As tradition and custom demand, Almighty God will first pay a courtesy call on President Attah Mills at the Christiansburg Castle, Osu. At the gate, he would inspect a Guard of Honour while gently being guided by the President. Then they would climb the stairs to the President’s office and discuss issues behind closed doors.
Of course, the major issues would centre on the Woyome case and the resignation/dismissals bordering on that case, the recent Cabinet reshuffle and the preparation towards election 2012.
Ah! They will also discuss schools under trees, the insults that have crept into our body politic, ‘general’ corruption and many others. God will not dwell much on the elections as that would be the topic for discussion when he meets Dr. Afari-Gyan in the Electoral Chair.
The President will host Almighty to both Breakfast and Dinner – something he has never done on the same day for any visiting head of state. God is Special.
Between breakfast and dinner, the President will conduct God round the Castle, explain to him why he has refused to move to the Flagstaff House, and tell him what his plans for the country are, if he should favour him with a win in Election 2012. Before his departure from the Castle, God will sit down for thirty minutes to accept prayer exhortations from the President and his staff.
Courtesy call on Ga Mantse
From the Castle, we will go straight to the Ga Mantse’s palace at Kaneshie to pay homage to the custodian of the Ga state. The only problem is which of the Ga Mantses we should we call. Is it Nii Tackie Tawiah III, who once phoned to accuse me and my staff of fuelling the Ga chieftaincy matter and warned us that he was not happy with it, or Nii Adama Lasta, who also says he is the Mantse?
Probably the Almighty, his angel Gabriel and other members of his entourage will arbitrate in the Ga chieftaincy matter. After that he will organize a dinner on one big table for both parties and lecture them on peaceful co-existence. He will then task the two Mantses to jointly tour all areas in their jurisdiction which have chieftaincy issues, amicably settle them and send him the report through the President.
The Electoral Commission
The Electoral Commission is next on the agenda. I have already briefed Almighty about Dr. Kwadwo Afari-Gyan, the chairman, that he is a gentleman by every standard; and he lectured me in International Politics at the University of Ghana, Legon. I know he will be glad to see us.
With him, Almighty will discuss the Commission’s preparations so far towards this year’s general elections - looking especially at biometric registration and how best it would make the elections free and fair. Also, whether there will be the need for verification? Since our visitor does not want instability in Ghana, he is likely to caution the officials to avoid the disturbances associated with elections in Africa.
They will also discuss electoral funding and the issue of double voting, alleged to have happened in certain areas in the last general elections, not being repeated. All these discussions would go on under the supportive watch of Mr. Sarfo-Kantanka and Mr. David Kanga. At the end of the meeting, God will receive their prayers for courage and boldness to ensure free and fair elections and declaration of a winner without fear or favour.
Tetteh Quarshie—Mallam Highway
Inspection of the newly constructed motorway extension which stretches from the Tetteh Quarshie Overpass to Mallam is next on the agenda. God will congratulate the government for this project and thank the American government for providing the funds for its construction. Then he will meet drivers who ply the road to caution them against its irresponsible use; more so driving under the influence of alcohol. Pedestrians and other road users would have similar advice on crossing the road or walking on the sides.
The Atomic Energy Commission
Here, Prof. E.H.K Akaho, my former boss and current Chief Executive of the Commission, will meet us at the entrance and lead us to inspect the land which has been pinched by encroachers. Later, at a meeting with the encroachers, God will remind them of the dangers inherent in living close to a nuclear plant. God will mediate in the impasse between the Commission and the Chinese (which recently attracted police attention) and advice them that since this cannot happen in China’s nuclear space, it shouldn’t happen in Ghana.
Later at a staff durbar, God will bless Prof. Akaho for defending Kwame Nkrumah’s legacy. After advising the staff to work to their utmost ability, he would cross one leg over the other and smile as the Prof. and his staff sing “God bless our homeland Ghana.” He will then wink at Prof. B.J.B Nyarko, who is to take over from Prof. Akaho as the Director-General.
At Achimota Ofankor Road
This road is yet to be completed but we shall visit it because of the suffering of the people who use it and the undue flak the President gets over the delay. The contractor will respond to the summons for the delay and apologise to the people. But he is likely to blame the Ministry of Roads for not collecting the money from the Finance Minister.
Well, will God tolerate excuses from the Finance Minister, if he has any?
God knows the future. So, knowing how good the road would be after construction, and how reckless some drivers are, especially when driving on such good roads, he would decide not to tolerate any questions from drivers. Instead he will take them through road signs, safe driving and car maintenance lessons.
University of Ghana
At the University of Ghana, my alma mater, a courtesy call on Prof. Ernest Aryeetey, the Vice Chancellor, will open the meeting.
Then straight away we shall move to inspect the new Halls of Residence, the swimming pool and other projects which have been completed in recent times. Next will be God’s address to the students, lecturers and workers during which he would lecture them on “Strategic Thinking plus Pocket Economics”.
Later at the Registry he will advise them on the urgent need to automate the whole unit – not only to speed up their work but also to meet international standards. From there we shall inspect the bush canteen, where my good friend and course mate, Kwame Ntow-Fianko, used to have his meals.
Inspection of Railway Lines
We shall be inspecting the railway lines especially the Achimota to Dome portion. Definitely God would like to know why we haven’t put our railways in full working order and why people have built so close to the lines. He will order that a “No Trespass” sign be erected without fail.
To the Tema-Aflao Road
Here, God will see for himself the good work being done to improve the living conditions of his children. But since the number of accidents on this road is alarming, he will hold a seminar for the drivers on “Defensive and safe driving” teaching them why it is not necessary to speed by heart. This will end the first day of God’s visit to Ghana.
On the second day, God will wake up early in the morning and set out with a surprise visit to the Tema Oil Refinery, the Tema Food Complex which metamorphosed into GAFCO and the Dry-dock. He will also visit the harbour to see what impact Anas’ Video clip has made on the Custom Officers there and lecture them on “Why corrupt people will not go to Heaven.” For this particular lecture, the Customs people would invite Ghana Ports and Harbours personnel to join them.
Visit to TOR, Others
At Tema Oil Refinery (TOR), God’s main question to the Acting Managing Director will be why the refinery is not being utilized of late? A little lecture on the need to sit up and ensure the refinery operates at full capacity will do the trick.
At the Shipyard, he will inspect the numerous damages the Malaysians inflicted on the company and then move to the former Tema Food Complex Corporation to see why it had to be divested and why up till now it had not operated. Here, he will spray holy water around the factory and order its resurrection.
Our next stop will be the Tema Metropolitan Assembly to see my brother Kempes Ofosu-Ware, who is contesting the Tema West parliamentary seat. Since he is my brother, God will pray for him and also remember my other brother, Charles Kotei, the Coordinating Director.
At Korle Bu Teaching Hospital
Back in Accra, we will go straight to the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital where God will receive prayers for and from the patients before calling on the Chief Executive Officer and the Board Members. For the sake of the sick, he will settle the misunderstanding between the Board and the management team after which he will hold a seminar on the appropriate theme of “Essentials of Corporate Governance.”
The writer is the Managing Director of New Times Corporation.
To him, these four days would be very hectic since he would like to visit every corner of the country to meet all manner of people (criminals included). The two of us discussed his itinerary for the visit and he told me to draw up a programme. At the end of our discussions, we agreed that he should start his visit from Accra, the capital.
In the dream, God did not appear to be very familiar with Ghana’s road network, or understand the culture, language and tradition of the people; so we agreed that I would accompany him and act as his guide and linguist.
Since our movement in Accra may be obstructed by heavy vehicular traffic, I am appealing to my good friend ACP Awuni, the MTTU Commander, to provide us with a Dispatch Rider who would clear the road for us as he is an expert at dodging traffic.
God gets worried when there is traffic jam.
The Programme
As tradition and custom demand, Almighty God will first pay a courtesy call on President Attah Mills at the Christiansburg Castle, Osu. At the gate, he would inspect a Guard of Honour while gently being guided by the President. Then they would climb the stairs to the President’s office and discuss issues behind closed doors.
Of course, the major issues would centre on the Woyome case and the resignation/dismissals bordering on that case, the recent Cabinet reshuffle and the preparation towards election 2012.
Ah! They will also discuss schools under trees, the insults that have crept into our body politic, ‘general’ corruption and many others. God will not dwell much on the elections as that would be the topic for discussion when he meets Dr. Afari-Gyan in the Electoral Chair.
The President will host Almighty to both Breakfast and Dinner – something he has never done on the same day for any visiting head of state. God is Special.
Between breakfast and dinner, the President will conduct God round the Castle, explain to him why he has refused to move to the Flagstaff House, and tell him what his plans for the country are, if he should favour him with a win in Election 2012. Before his departure from the Castle, God will sit down for thirty minutes to accept prayer exhortations from the President and his staff.
Courtesy call on Ga Mantse
From the Castle, we will go straight to the Ga Mantse’s palace at Kaneshie to pay homage to the custodian of the Ga state. The only problem is which of the Ga Mantses we should we call. Is it Nii Tackie Tawiah III, who once phoned to accuse me and my staff of fuelling the Ga chieftaincy matter and warned us that he was not happy with it, or Nii Adama Lasta, who also says he is the Mantse?
Probably the Almighty, his angel Gabriel and other members of his entourage will arbitrate in the Ga chieftaincy matter. After that he will organize a dinner on one big table for both parties and lecture them on peaceful co-existence. He will then task the two Mantses to jointly tour all areas in their jurisdiction which have chieftaincy issues, amicably settle them and send him the report through the President.
The Electoral Commission
The Electoral Commission is next on the agenda. I have already briefed Almighty about Dr. Kwadwo Afari-Gyan, the chairman, that he is a gentleman by every standard; and he lectured me in International Politics at the University of Ghana, Legon. I know he will be glad to see us.
With him, Almighty will discuss the Commission’s preparations so far towards this year’s general elections - looking especially at biometric registration and how best it would make the elections free and fair. Also, whether there will be the need for verification? Since our visitor does not want instability in Ghana, he is likely to caution the officials to avoid the disturbances associated with elections in Africa.
They will also discuss electoral funding and the issue of double voting, alleged to have happened in certain areas in the last general elections, not being repeated. All these discussions would go on under the supportive watch of Mr. Sarfo-Kantanka and Mr. David Kanga. At the end of the meeting, God will receive their prayers for courage and boldness to ensure free and fair elections and declaration of a winner without fear or favour.
Tetteh Quarshie—Mallam Highway
Inspection of the newly constructed motorway extension which stretches from the Tetteh Quarshie Overpass to Mallam is next on the agenda. God will congratulate the government for this project and thank the American government for providing the funds for its construction. Then he will meet drivers who ply the road to caution them against its irresponsible use; more so driving under the influence of alcohol. Pedestrians and other road users would have similar advice on crossing the road or walking on the sides.
The Atomic Energy Commission
Here, Prof. E.H.K Akaho, my former boss and current Chief Executive of the Commission, will meet us at the entrance and lead us to inspect the land which has been pinched by encroachers. Later, at a meeting with the encroachers, God will remind them of the dangers inherent in living close to a nuclear plant. God will mediate in the impasse between the Commission and the Chinese (which recently attracted police attention) and advice them that since this cannot happen in China’s nuclear space, it shouldn’t happen in Ghana.
Later at a staff durbar, God will bless Prof. Akaho for defending Kwame Nkrumah’s legacy. After advising the staff to work to their utmost ability, he would cross one leg over the other and smile as the Prof. and his staff sing “God bless our homeland Ghana.” He will then wink at Prof. B.J.B Nyarko, who is to take over from Prof. Akaho as the Director-General.
At Achimota Ofankor Road
This road is yet to be completed but we shall visit it because of the suffering of the people who use it and the undue flak the President gets over the delay. The contractor will respond to the summons for the delay and apologise to the people. But he is likely to blame the Ministry of Roads for not collecting the money from the Finance Minister.
Well, will God tolerate excuses from the Finance Minister, if he has any?
God knows the future. So, knowing how good the road would be after construction, and how reckless some drivers are, especially when driving on such good roads, he would decide not to tolerate any questions from drivers. Instead he will take them through road signs, safe driving and car maintenance lessons.
University of Ghana
At the University of Ghana, my alma mater, a courtesy call on Prof. Ernest Aryeetey, the Vice Chancellor, will open the meeting.
Then straight away we shall move to inspect the new Halls of Residence, the swimming pool and other projects which have been completed in recent times. Next will be God’s address to the students, lecturers and workers during which he would lecture them on “Strategic Thinking plus Pocket Economics”.
Later at the Registry he will advise them on the urgent need to automate the whole unit – not only to speed up their work but also to meet international standards. From there we shall inspect the bush canteen, where my good friend and course mate, Kwame Ntow-Fianko, used to have his meals.
Inspection of Railway Lines
We shall be inspecting the railway lines especially the Achimota to Dome portion. Definitely God would like to know why we haven’t put our railways in full working order and why people have built so close to the lines. He will order that a “No Trespass” sign be erected without fail.
To the Tema-Aflao Road
Here, God will see for himself the good work being done to improve the living conditions of his children. But since the number of accidents on this road is alarming, he will hold a seminar for the drivers on “Defensive and safe driving” teaching them why it is not necessary to speed by heart. This will end the first day of God’s visit to Ghana.
On the second day, God will wake up early in the morning and set out with a surprise visit to the Tema Oil Refinery, the Tema Food Complex which metamorphosed into GAFCO and the Dry-dock. He will also visit the harbour to see what impact Anas’ Video clip has made on the Custom Officers there and lecture them on “Why corrupt people will not go to Heaven.” For this particular lecture, the Customs people would invite Ghana Ports and Harbours personnel to join them.
Visit to TOR, Others
At Tema Oil Refinery (TOR), God’s main question to the Acting Managing Director will be why the refinery is not being utilized of late? A little lecture on the need to sit up and ensure the refinery operates at full capacity will do the trick.
At the Shipyard, he will inspect the numerous damages the Malaysians inflicted on the company and then move to the former Tema Food Complex Corporation to see why it had to be divested and why up till now it had not operated. Here, he will spray holy water around the factory and order its resurrection.
Our next stop will be the Tema Metropolitan Assembly to see my brother Kempes Ofosu-Ware, who is contesting the Tema West parliamentary seat. Since he is my brother, God will pray for him and also remember my other brother, Charles Kotei, the Coordinating Director.
At Korle Bu Teaching Hospital
Back in Accra, we will go straight to the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital where God will receive prayers for and from the patients before calling on the Chief Executive Officer and the Board Members. For the sake of the sick, he will settle the misunderstanding between the Board and the management team after which he will hold a seminar on the appropriate theme of “Essentials of Corporate Governance.”
The writer is the Managing Director of New Times Corporation.
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